Through the Lens of Loneliness
Introduction
In Britain
today, there are more than nine million people (15 per cent of the population)
who say that they often feel lonely.[1] It is projected to get
worse as it has been estimated that, by 2030, there will be 7 million lonely
people in the over 60 age group alone with a cost to the public finances of
nearly £2 billion. Two million of this group may have their lifespans shortened
because of the effects of loneliness.[2]
There is the
sense of helplessness when a person is in that position. In a survey, 63 per
cent of respondents would not know what they would do if they felt lonely,
admitted that they were often or always lonely. Meanwhile, 46 per cent of
people who say that they would ‘carry on and hope the feeling passes’ if they
were feeling lonely admitted that they too were often or always lonely.[3]
The sentiment
has been encapsulated by Augusten Burroughs in one of his memoirs: ‘I’m lonely.
And I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can
see how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs.’
It echoes the
writing of Nicholas Kristof, who wrote: ‘Loneliness increases inflammation,
heart disease, dementia and death rates, researchers say – but it also simply
makes us heartsick and leaves us inhabiting an Edvard Munch canvas.’[4]
The
Difference between Loneliness and Solitude
It has to be
pointed out that there is a difference between being alone and loneliness. Paul
Tillich has observed: ‘Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone.
It has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it
has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.’
To be alone has
a positive outcome as those who have willingly been alone to pray, mediate or
retreat will testify. In his sermon on Psalm 62: 1 (‘For God alone my soul
waits in silence), Dietrich Bonhoeffer stated: ‘We flee silence. We race from
activity to activity to avoid having to be alone with ourselves even for a
moment, to avoid having to look at ourselves in the mirror. We are bored with
ourselves, and often the most desperate, wasted hours are those we are forced
to spend by ourselves.’
Spending time
alone in solitude, silence and privacy could be conditions where creativity is
produced. Indeed, in The Stations of Solitude, Alice Koller described
the situation as following: ‘Being solitary is being alone well. Being alone,
luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of
your own presence rather than the absence of others. Because solitude is an
achievement.’[5]
Scripture
points our direction toward these positive times when we can be with God:
·
‘In
quietness and in trust shall be your strength’ (Isaiah 30: 15)
·
‘Be
still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him’ (Psalm 37: 7)
·
‘For
God alone my soul waits in silence, from him comes salvation. He alone is my
rock and salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken’ (Psalm 62: 1 –
2)
·
‘For
God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him’ (Psalm 62: 5)
However, not
everyone makes a choice to be by themselves and so often experience those
negative emotions that accompany loneliness. There is a helpful definition of
loneliness by Jenny de Jong-Giervald as being ‘a situation experienced by the
individual as one where there an unpleasant or inadmissible lack of (quality
of) certain relationships. This includes situations in which a number of
existing relationships is smaller than considered desirable or admissible or situations
where the intimacy one wishes for has not been realised. Thus, loneliness is
seen to involve the manner in which a person experiences and evaluates his or
her isolation and lack of communication with other people.’[6]
It is a malaise
of the modern age. As Paul Williams has observed: ‘Our culture is characterised
by fragmentation, a loss of cultural memory and a loss of rooted identity.
Loneliness is a powerful and growing aspect of experience for many people.
Though our culture may be post-truth it is not post-spiritual. There is what
Peter Berger has called a ‘de-secularisation’ of the West and a growing
spiritual openness.[7]
‘[8]
The Effects
on Society
It affects all
aspects of society, such as:
·
One
in three children feel lonely in a week.
·
Eight
out of ten carers felt lonely as a result of looking after a loved one.[9]
·
58
per cent of migrants and refugees in London describe loneliness and isolation
as their biggest challenge.
·
Almost
a quarter of people with disabilities feel lonely on any particular day.[10]
The impact is
felt right across society:[11]
·
Parents
– Action for Children found 24 per cent of parents were always or often lonely
·
Teenagers
– 62 per cent are ‘sometimes lonely’ and one in 20 never spend time with
friends at weekends.
·
Carers
– 9 out of 10 carers have felt lonely or isolated as a result of looking after
a loved one.
·
Refugees
and migrants – 58 per cent surveyed in London cited loneliness and isolation as
their biggest challenge.
·
The
older people – 1 in 3 people over the age of 75 years say that feelings of
loneliness are out of their control.
·
People
with disabilities – the deafblind charity Sense stated that half of disabled
people will be lonely on a given day.
It is a common
experience and has been incorporated into many songs, some of which are
included in the appendices to this article. Many lonely people take on a shield
of defiance in order to protect them from
being hurt , singing along with Simon and Garfunkel as their anthem, ‘I am a rock, I am an
island’. A noticeable example of music identifying the lonely people and how
they are feeling is in the lyrics of ‘Eleanor
Rigby’ by Paul McCartney and John
Lennon, where the chorus is:
All the
lonely people
Where do
they all come from?
All the
lonely people
Where do
they come from?
It can come
upon us at any time and in any situation. I remember being in the playground
when I was of school age. Boys were playing around me – my friends who were
happy for me to join in. Suddenly, I felt alone despite being surrounded by
people who liked and wanted to be with me.
This sense of
aloneness despite being with friends has persisted with me, even in church
situations. I am sure that it is a common experience of people in leadership
positions feeling isolated, which certainly the case with me. On a positive
note, I am now in a church fellowship where that sense of loneliness is
certainly diminished.
Brené Brown, a
researcher, has described loneliness as the kind of wound that can ‘break our
heart, our spirit and our sense of self-worth.’ It is the deep cut that can
send us to explore avenues where we should not go, because we want this fester
to heal. It can lead to more extreme sense of loneliness as people end up with
loveless marriages, unwanted children because their dependent children have
grown up, shallow relationships, and a lifestyle that could potentially kill
them or leave them severely disabled or addicted.
It is a problem
that is fuelled by living in a narcistic and individualistic society, where we
think that the world orbits around us and that other people do not matter. The
prevalent consumeristic attitude is that we expect others to meet our needs
and, when they fail to do so, we discard them like some rubbish and do not
trouble ourselves as to their outcomes.
Philip Slater described it like this:
‘An enormous technology seems to have set itself the task of making it
unnecessary for one human being ever to ask anything of another in the course
of going about his daily business. We seek more and more privacy, and feel more
and more alienated and lonely when we get it.’[12]
From the angle
of philosophy, Charles Taylor stated: ‘Once individuals become the locus of
meaning, the social atomisation that results means that disbelief no longer has
social consequences. “We” are not a seamless cloth, a tight-knit social body;
instead, “we” are just a collection of individuals – like individual molecules
in a social “gas”.’[13]
The
observations of George Monbiot are pertinent: ‘Consumerism fills the social
void. But far from curing the disease of isolation, it intensifies social
comparison to the point at which, having consumed all else, we start to prey
upon ourselves. Social media brings us together and drives us apart, allowing
us precisely to quantify our social standing, and see that other people have
more friends and followers than we do.’[14]
In this context
that it was observed by Henri Nouwen that ‘Loneliness is one of the most
universal sources of human suffering today.’ There only has to be observation
of how people, society is taking advantage of all those who are lonely.
Sometimes it can be subtle with consumerism and materialism with the need to
fill the hole of wanting to belong with things. More concern can be taken with
the gang culture with the lonely wanting to feel as though they are part of
something.
Several
diversions and distractions have been identified:
·
Drink
and drugs
·
Sex
·
Gambling
·
Television,
known as the ‘plug-in drug’
·
Fantasy
·
Travel
·
Socialising
Research has
shown that people with high loneliness levels were apt to engage in ‘physical
health behaviours’ and were more likely to adopt negative coping strategies,
such as smoking and not exercising.[15]
It does social
and economic consequences which are far beyond the perimeters of this article.
One area to briefly touch on is that researchers from the United States
undertook a study of deaths by euthanasia in the Netherlands. It was discovered
that, in the examination of psychiatric reasons given, 56 per cent of those who
chose to die by euthanasia did so because they were socially isolated.[16] As the law in the
Netherlands states that the patient must be experiencing ‘unbearable suffering’
due to an untreatable condition so, without going into the moral and ethical
issues surrounding euthanasia, the people must have felt that their lives were
not worth living anymore because of the loneliness that they were experiencing.
The late
comedic actor, Robin Williams, commented: ‘I used to think that the worst thing
in life was to end up all alone, it’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up
with people that make you feel all alone.’
Dr Ad Vingerhoets,
a social and behavioural scientist, wrote: ‘tears are of extreme relevance for
human nature. We cry because we need other people’[17]
The definition
of loneliness by one article was ‘a distressing discrepancy between desired and
actual levels of social contact.’[18] The same piece
illustrated that it was a causation for many serious medical issues, such as
cardiovascular disease, Alzheimer disease, stroke, and insomnia.
In 2010, the
Mental Health Foundation undertook a survey on how lonely people are in society
today.
The summary of
their findings in The Lonely Society (www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/loneliness-and-mental-health) are below:
How often do
you feel lonely?
|
|
Total
|
Age 18 – 34 yrs
|
Age 35 – 54 yrs
|
Age 55+ yrs
|
|
Often
|
11%
|
12%
|
11%
|
9%
|
|
Sometimes
|
14%
|
45%
|
35%
|
26%
|
|
Rarely
|
33%
|
31%
|
32%
|
36%
|
|
Never
|
22%
|
13%
|
22%
|
29%
|
Have you ever felt depressed because you felt alone?
|
|
Total
|
Age 18 – 34 yrs
|
Age 35 – 54 yrs
|
Age 55+ yrs
|
|
Yes
|
42%
|
53%
|
43%
|
32%
|
|
No
|
55%
|
44%
|
54%
|
66%
|
|
Don’t know
|
3%
|
4%
|
4%
|
2%
|
Have you ever experienced depression or anxiety?
|
|
Total
|
Age 18 – 34 yrs
|
Age 35 – 54 yrs
|
Age 55+ yrs
|
|
Yes
|
56%
|
55%
|
61%
|
53%
|
|
No
|
39%
|
38%
|
35%
|
44%
|
|
Don’t know
|
5%
|
7%
|
4%
|
3%
|
Thinking about when you experienced depression or anxiety,
did it result in isolating yourself from family and friends?
|
|
Total
|
Age 18 – 34 yrs
|
Age 35 – 54 yrs
|
Age 55+ yrs
|
|
Yes
|
57%
|
64%
|
65%
|
42%
|
|
No
|
40%
|
31%
|
33%
|
54%
|
|
Don’t know
|
3%
|
5%
|
2%
|
4%
|
How strongly do
you agree/disagree with the following statement: ‘I worry about feeling lonely’
|
|
Total
|
Age 18 – 34 yrs
|
Age 35 – 54 yrs
|
Age 55+ yrs
|
|
Strongly agree
|
6%
|
10%
|
7%
|
3%
|
|
Agree
|
18%
|
26%
|
16%
|
14%
|
|
Neither
|
23%
|
23%
|
23%
|
22%
|
|
Disagree
|
24%
|
24%
|
24%
|
24%
|
|
Strongly disagree
|
26%
|
15%
|
27%
|
35%
|
|
Don’t know
|
2%
|
2%
|
2%
|
1%
|
It is a
condition that can affect everyone, regardless of age and circumstances. George
Monbiot has written: ‘Three months ago we read that loneliness has become an
epidemic among young adults. Now we learn that it is just as great an affliction
of older people. A study by Independent Age shows that severe loneliness in
England blights the lives of 700,000 men and 1.1 m women over 50 and is rising
with astonishing speed.
‘Ebola is
unlikely ever to kill as many people as this disease strikes down. Social
isolation is as potent a cause of early death as smoking 15 cigarettes a day;
loneliness, research suggests, is twice as deadly as obesity. Dementia, high
blood pressure, alcoholism and accidents – all these, like depression,
paranoia, anxiety and suicide, become more prevalent when connections are cut.
We cannot cope alone.’
He continued:
‘Yes, factories have closed, people travel by car instead of buses, use YouTube
rather than the cinema. But these shifts alone fail to explain the speed of our
social collapse. These structural changes have been accompanied by a
life-denying ideology, which enforces and celebrates our social isolation. The
war of every man against every man – competition and individualism, in other
words – is the religion of our time, justified by a mythology of lone rangers,
sole traders, self-starters, self-made men and women, going it alone. For the
most social creatures, who cannot prosper without love, there is no such thing
as society, only heroic individualism. What counts is to win. The rest is
collateral damage.’[19]
The Physical
and Mental Effects
Loneliness is
literally toxic. Studies have shown that it can be as harmful for our health as
smoking 15 cigarettes a day.[20]
People with a
high degree of loneliness are twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease as
a people with a low degree of loneliness.[21] Loneliness has been
linked to increased risk of depression, cardiovascular disease, stroke,
diabetes, dementia and high blood pressure.[22]
Indeed, it has
been ascertained that seeing friends almost daily at the age of 60 years
reduced the risk of developing dementia by 12 per cent compared to those people
who only saw one or two friends every couple of months.[23] Dr Andrew Sommerlad
expanded:
‘We’ve found that social contact, in middle age and later life,
appears to lower the risk of dementia.
‘This finding
could feed into strategies to reduce everyone’s risk of developing dementia,
adding yet another reason to promote connected communities and find ways to
reduce isolation and loneliness.’
It is not known
if social isolation may trigger an inflammation in the brain or make the person
more likely to adopt an unhealth lifestyle.[24]
A lack of sleep
a causal trigger of loneliness, as research has discovered that:[25]
a.
Sleep
loss (both total deprivation and even modest night-to-night reductions) can
lead to people becoming more socially isolated, enforcing greater
inter-personal distance from other people.
b.
The
parts of the brain that activate the sense of being awake, impairs the other
parts that encourage social engagement and the mindfulness of others.
c.
People
who come in contact with a sleep-deprived person, even for a short 60 -second
moment, will feel lonelier themselves as a matter of contagion.
One commentator
has listed the effects of loneliness on the brain:[26]
·
Areas
of the brain that are involved with the perception of pain are activated.
·
Grey
matter density decreases in an area of the brain related to social perception.
·
Areas
of the brain dealing with ‘mentalisation’ (imagining other people’s minds are
less active.
·
The
brain is increasingly active in response to negative stimuli, with decreased
recovery (so, for example, showing increased anger).
The problem has
got so bad that there is an increasing demand for ‘rent-a-family’ in many countries
to meet the needs of lonely people. There are some people who use this service
to maintain appearances so that they can keep up the pretence that they have a
happy family. There are also, somewhat interestingly, those people who hire
actors to impersonate estranged relatives so that the person can feel, however
fleetingly, a familial connection that they are yearning for.
People who are
lonely are more likely to experience a decrease in the ability to cope with
daily living activities, mobility, climbing and an increase risk of morbidity.[27]
It has been
ascertained that men who eat alone twice a day, who were typically unmarried,
were more likely to develop abdominal obesity. Indeed, they were 64 per cent
more likely to develop metabolic syndrome, which is the combination of
diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity. Women in a similar situation were 29
per cent more likely to develop metabolic syndrome. Metabolic syndrome is
dangerous as it puts the person at greater risk of coronary heart disease and
strokes.[28]
Research in
Denmark also found that people who are lonely are at double risk of dying from
cardiovascular disease. It was more than three times the risk than people
reporting symptoms of anxiety and depression.[29]
Another study
has found that loneliness is associated with a 29 per cent increased risk of a
heart or angina attack, and a 32 per cent increased risk of having a stroke.[30]
A commentator
has summarised the physical effects of loneliness:[31]
·
Increased
risk of cardiovascular disease
·
Decreased
cognitive and executive function
·
Possible
26 per cent increased risk of premature deaths from all causes
·
Increased
chronic inflammation and decreased inflammatory control (linked to the risk of
cognitive impairment and dementia)
·
Decreased
immune function leading to vulnerability to many kinds of disease
·
Increased
depressive symptoms
·
Increased
fearfulness of social situations (sometimes resulting in paranoia)
·
Increased
severity of strokes (with shortened survival)
·
An
overall decrease in the subjective sense of wellbeing
In the United
Kingdom, it is reported that one in ten people attend a doctor’s surgery
because they are lonely.[32] There is also an economic
cost as it is estimated that loneliness costs the British economy £2.5 billion
annually due to reduced productivity and sick absence.[33]
Loneliness can
affect bodily health as those people who live alone have premature death rates
at least double the national average. Among divorced people, the suicide rates
are five times higher and fatal accident injury rates four times higher than
compared with non-divorced people.[34] Married cancer patients
live longer than unmarried. A study by John Hopkins University found that the
overall mortality rate was 26 per cent greater for widowers than for married
men.[35]
Young People
The pace of
modern life and the increase in technological communication has exasperated an
already fragile mindset of the modern teenager. Ross Peterson, a New England
psychiatrist, has determined that the source of increased depression and
anxiety in this age group is their ‘terror of aloneness.’ Where the tentacles
of Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram and other social media platforms intrude
into their lives, it is impossible for them to disengage. This so-called
connectedness through the ‘terror of aloneness’ and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)
has ironically led to an increased sense of loneliness. In 2007, when the
iPhone was launched, a survey of teenage students in the United States revealed
a high level of feeling lonely on many occasions – a figure that has not
subsided in future surveys.[36]
It is because
of this technological isolation that many young people feel isolated and
lonely. A survey found two in five of those in the 16 – 24 age group experience
loneliness compared to 29 per cent in the 65 – 74 age group and 27 per cent in
those in the 75 years and over age group. It is an irony that people with more
online Facebook friends are more likely to report being lonely that those with
fewer.[37]
The feelings of
being lonely among young people was confirmed by the BBC Loneliness Project,
which conducted a global survey. It found that the instance of loneliness was
highest among 16 – 24 year-olds with 40 per cent stating that they felt lonely
often or very often.[38]
Other factors
affecting loneliness among young people were:[39]
·
More
girls than boys feel lonely.
·
The
transitions from primary school to secondary school and from school to university
are likely to be associated with being lonely.
·
Young
people in cities were more likely to be lonely that those in rural settings or
in small towns.
·
Poorer
young people, such as those eligible for free school meals, were more at risk
of being lonely.
·
Loneliness
could be identified with additional situations, e.g. illness, family tensions,
bereavement or bullying.
Older People
Loneliness
experienced by older people is a reality for many, especially on the least
expected day. Research undertaken by the older person’s charity Royal Voluntary
Service (formerly WRVS) has shown that, for one million people aged 65 years or
older in the UK, Sunday is the loneliest day of the week. For 13 per cent of
this age group, Sunday is dreaded as it is regarded as a family day and they do
not have contact with their family.
There are
examples of churches arranging for people to come to their houses (either as a
single or in groups) so that Sunday is not spent alone, and there are
initiatives by companies to encourage people to share so that this day is not
dreaded (such as Bisto Together, https://www.premierfoodservice.co.uk/news/Eight-reasons-to-get-involved-with-Bisto-Together).
A previous
study by the Royal Voluntary Service had indicated that the nearest child for
10 per cent of older people live more than an hour’s drive away (40 miles or
more), making that daily or weekly contact more difficult.
The research
showed that 33 per cent of older people missed sitting down with their family
and 33 per cent of older people do not enjoy eating a meal with someone.
Other facts on
loneliness for older people show:
·
About
3.8 million older people live alone, 70 per cent of these are women.[40]
·
Nearly
2.5 million people over 75 years-old live alone.[41]
·
Approximately
7 per cent of those people aged 65 years or over in the UK say they are always
or often lonely.[42]
The Campaign to
End Loneliness, together with Age UK, has discovered that extreme loneliness
can increase the risk of premature death by 14 per cent (compared to obesity
which increases the risk by 7 per cent). We live in a nation where 51 per cent
of people aged 75 years or older live alone with over 800,000 experiencing
chronic loneliness in England alone.
Jack Neill-Hall
of the Campaign to End Loneliness does not believe that our attitudes towards
older people has necessarily changed, but that that the alteration in demographics
means that there are more older people who are isolated. The triggers are and will
continue to be bereavement, retirement, disability and poverty.
It is
acknowledged that there are many organisations (also applies such as Age UK)
who are doing good work with older people[45]; but it is often
Christians who are at the forefront in this area with their charities (such as
local ones like Sharing Lives[46]) and clubs. Very often it
is being part of an intergenerational congregation that is stimulating older and other lonely people. An example is
at St Cuthbert’s, North Wembley, who set up a memory café, where memory games
are played, refreshments are provided, and where a place of safety and joy was
created.[47]
It is important
to get lonely people out and about. The lead author on a report about older
people leaving their homes to make friendships, Dr Jeremy Jacobs, commented:
What is interesting is that the improved survival associated with getting out
of the house frequently was also observed among people with low levels of
activity, and even those with impaired mobility…Resilient individuals remained
engaged, irrespective of their physical limitations.’[48]
We are told
that we are to respect the older generation, which is linked with our
relationship with God – ‘Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the
elderly and revere your God, I am the Lord.’ (Leviticus 19: 32) Although we are
instructed to look after our parents, the general principle also applies to all
older people – ‘Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise
your mother when she is old.’ (Proverbs 23: 22)
We should
always give time for all lonely people, especially those who are older. They
will always appreciate us sitting down with them, whatever their capacity to
participate in any conversation.
There should be
no lonely person in their older age, and it is the responsibility of those in
the Church and others to eradicate this situation.
In a survey of
people over the age of 75 years, it was ascertained that men were more likely than
men to live in isolation and loneliness – 36 per cent of men (estimated at
about 190,000) described themselves as lonely or very lonely, with many of them
spending numerous days without speaking to anyone. The comparative rate for
women was 31 per cent. The situation was exacerbated by the fact that only10
per cent of men were willing to talk about their feelings with friends and
family, compared to a quarter of the sample of the women.[49]
Living with
Cancer
It has been
ascertained that 22 per cent of people living with cancer in the UK (estimated
at 400,000 people) also encounter loneliness on a regular basis as a result of
their disability.[50]
The people
living with cancer who are most likely to feel lonely are those where the
disease is advanced, spread or relapsed; living alone; and/or have made a
change to their working life.
The ongoing
effect is that many people in this situation find themselves to be housebound
and unable to feed themselves, according to research undertaken for Macmillan
Cancer Support.
In the survey
conducted by Ipsos MORI, which compared the experiences of cancer patients who
felt lonely since their diagnosis (or lonelier than they did before) and those
who do not feel lonely, the lonely cancer patients were:
·
Three
times more likely to drink alcohol than they usually do (22% vs. 7%)
·
Almost
five times more likely not to have left the house for days (66% vs. 14%)
·
Almost
three times more likely to have problems sleeping (76% vs. 27%)
It is the
experience of many of those people in this situation that their diet worsens,
at a time when they need to build up their strength to combat the disease.
Lonely cancer patients are five times more likely to skip meals (38% vs. 7%)
and nearly eight times more likely to be living on a poor diet (45% vs. 6%).
Whilst the
reasons for not eating properly can include a lack of appetite and being too
weak to cook, 13 per cent of the lonely cancer patients who have missed meals
state that it is because they have insufficient finances to buy enough food.
Ciaran Devane,
the Chief Executive of Macmillan Cancer Support, commented: ‘Loneliness is
blighting the lives of hundreds of thousands of cancer patients in the UK. It’s
hard enough for people being hit with the devastating news that they have
cancer, without having to suffer the additional effects that being lonely
brings. It’s heartbreaking to think of people struggling to eat or leave the
house because they have been abandoned and left to deal with the cancer alone.’
Ms Devane
continued: ‘This is a growing problem which is set to get worse as the number
of people diagnosed with cancer doubles from two to four million in the next 20
years.’
The sad issue
is that the risk factor of some cancers
increases and may be fatal as the result of social isolation.[51]
Alleviating
Loneliness
There are many
ways of combatting loneliness as the appendices below indicates.
Meanwhile,
Laura Ferguson has outlined the following activities that can be undertaken to
alleviate your own loneliness or the loneliness of others:[52]
1.
Take
up a new activity
2.
Talk
to someone about how you are feeling
3.
Volunteer
4.
Reach
out to those around you – even if they are not lonely
5.
Identify
those most at risk from loneliness
6.
Develop
local loneliness plans
7.
Measure
what works
The National
Health Service (NHS) in the UK has suggested the following steps to help lonely
older people:
·
Start
a conversation. Stop and talk. Don’t hurry the,
·
Offer
practical help, such as shopping, posting a letter, picking up a prescription,
or walking their dog.
·
Offer
to accompany them or give them a lift to medical appointments, the library,
hairdresser’s or church services.
·
Share
your time – volunteer with an organisation that has befriending services matching
you with an isolated older person for home visits or regular phone calls.
·
Help
with household tasks – offer to take out the rubbish, change light bulbs, clear
snow, put up pictures.
·
Share
a meal – take round an extra plate of hot homemade food or a frozen portion.
On the other
end of the age scale, the charity Mind suggests the following steps to help a
lonely younger person:
·
Reach
out. Arrange to meet face to face or talk on the phone.
·
Encourage
people to start conversations, whether a short face to face chat or joining an
online discussion.
·
Offer
to go to a class or group activity with them.
·
Suggest
they look for talking treatments in their local area to help them manage the
mental health effects of loneliness or recommend an online support community
like Elefriends.
·
Listen
and don’t make assumptions. People can feel lonely even if it looks like they
have a busy and full life.
One of the
other ways of confronting loneliness can be through reading. As the authors of
one report have pointed out: ‘Many people already use reading to ward off
loneliness – and usually quite successfully, as studies find that regular
readers tend to be less lonely.[53]
Other research found that
95 per cent of people who are blind or partially sighted read (through an
audiobook or another technology) at least once a week to alleviate feelings of
loneliness and isolation.[54] Books can also give
groups a way to talk through their thoughts and feelings in an indirect way.
The power of book-based social contact is borne out by evaluations of reading
programmes. In a national reading befriending programme including isolated and
vulnerable older people, 88 per cent of participants appreciate the increased
social contact from reading-inspired conversation[55].’[56]
A very obvious
way is one that was adopted by Burnham-on-Sea in the UK, where they have
designed two benches in the town as ‘chat benches.’ These seats each have a
sign that reads: ‘The Happy to Chat Bench: Sit Here if You Don’t Mind Someone
Stopping to Say Hello.’ Police Community Support Worker Tracey Grobbeler
explained to Burnham-On-Sea.com: ‘The sign simply helps to break down the
invisible, social barriers that exists between strangers who find themselves in
a common place. Simply stopping to say ‘hello’ to someone at the Chat Bench
could make a huge difference to the vulnerable people in our communities and
help make life a little better for them.’
The Silver Line
was the initiative by the campaigner Esther Rantzen, who recognised that many
older people have been debilitated by loneliness. The fee and confidential line
is open 24 hours a day offering friendship, advice and information for older
people. Ms Rantzen was motivated by the neglect shown to older people, made
worse by cuts in council budgets for such services. Statistics have shown that,
in the first six months since this only dedicated helpline in the United
Kingdom had been operating, there were more than 100,000 calls to this service.
The figure equates to approximately one pensioner calling every three minutes for
someone to speak to.
Ms Rantzen
commentated: ‘This has to be a wake-up call because this is, and will continue
to be a huge ongoing issue.’
She continued:
‘I have unearthed a huge problem…It is very distressing but that it is why
everyone needs to act.’[57]
Best-selling
novelist Jodi Picoult uses the focus of strong community in several of her
novels. In Change of Heart, she wrote: ‘What religion did for me went beyond
belief – it made me part of a community. And in Sing You Home, she
wrote: I wasn’t just born again, I was
given a large, extended family.’
As we have
seen, older people are one of the groups in society more likely to experience
loneliness than anyone else and research has shown that older people living in
care homes are twice as likely to be lonely, with one resident describing it as
‘being alone in a crowd.’
Embracing Age is a Christian organisation that trains
volunteers to spend time and build friendships with care home volunteers, for
example they have fifty volunteers in all the care homes in the London Borough
of Richmond.[58]
Another example
of Christians showing love towards those people who are lonely is in the
development of Neighbourhood Chaplains, which was launched by the group
Counties. There are three levels: initial contacts who knock on doors;
befrienders who regularly visit; and helping hands who offer practical help.
Martin Erwin, the CEO of Counties, said: ‘The aim is to show the love of Jesus
in both word and deed. It gives local churches the tools to connect their
community projects (such as CAP [Christians Against Poverty], food banks,
parents and toddlers, coffee mornings, etc.) with the vast numbers of lonely
people in the UK. It will offer a friendly face through a regular visit, a
listening ear and helping hands.’[59]
Another church,
St Paul’s, Heaton Moor, has developed the concept of Men in Sheds, which
encourages men to come together to make things, rather than isolating themselves
in their own sheds at the bottom of the garden.[60] It recognises that men,
in general, would rather be getting on with doing things rather becoming solely
relational in a sitting down and talking way. It shows that the differences in
the genders can mean that loneliness can be
addressed by different solutions.
The Bible shows
that social interaction is necessary. We are encouraged to meet together
continually (Hebrews 10: 25). If we are Christians, we are to love one another
like brothers and sisters, and show hospitality (literally ‘the love of
strangers’) to those we do not know (Hebrews 13: 1 – 2). It is interesting that
the word ‘companionship’ means to ‘share bread’ so we can develop friendships
and combat loneliness through the simple acts of sharing meals.
Enuma Okoro has
written: ‘As Christians, we’re called to train one another in the theological
virtue of caritas, as understood by Thomas Aquinas as friendship with
God that ultimately leads to deepened friendship with one another…[cultivating]
more genuine depths of safe intimacy with one another not merely for our own
sakes but for the sake of the one who first called us friends and never sent
his disciples out alone.’[61]
It is
reflecting what writers have confirmed down through the ages:
·
Jonathan
Edwards: ‘The well-being and happiness of society is friendship. ‘Tis the
highest happiness of all moral agents.’
·
Augustine:
‘In this world two things are essential: life and friendship. Both should be
highly prized and we must not undervalue them.
·
John
Newton: ‘I think to a feeling mind there is no temporal pleasure equal to the
pleasure of friendship.’
·
C S
Lewis: ‘Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the
chief happiness of life.’
It does not
have to be a striking example as it can be low key. It has been estimated that
thirty hours of conversations (which soon rackets up if they think about 90
twenty-minute conversations) will also impact upon you as you will increase
your life satisfaction, happiness and will become more empathetic, so it
affects positively all who are involved.
It reflects the
words of J C Ryle: ‘The world is full of sorrow because it is full of sin. It
is a dark place. It is a lonely place. The brightest sunbeam in it is a friend.
Friendship halves our sorrows and doubles our joy.’
It is because
we are created for community. When God said in the beginning ‘let us make man’
(Genesis 1: 26), it was because He wanted to make mankind in reflection of the
relationship that He already had – the trinity of the Father, the Son and the
Holy Spirit. Indeed, the only thing that was not good was that man was alone
(Genesis 2: 18) so God created a companion.
It was in that
heart-wrenching moment on the cross, when Jesus cried out ‘My God, my God, why
have you forsaken me?’ (Matthew 27: 46), that showed that it was possible to be
alone in a crowd. It was that eternal community that had been broken and the
Son proved that it was possible to be lonely in a crowd – devoid of all
contact, both human and divine.
It is possible
to come to God in those moments as we are reminded: ‘Therefore, let us drawn
near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may need mercy and find
grace to help in the time of need.’ (Hebrews 4: 16)
The psalmist,
King David, admitted that he was ‘lonely and afflicted.’ (Psalm 25: 16)
However, he did not allow the dark cloud of loneliness to become a storm of
despondency as he recognised that God had not left him. He was able to
proclaim: ‘My hope, Lord, us in you.’ (Psalm 25: 21) It is backed up by the
promise that God is with us in the darkest moments: ‘Do not be afraid or
terrified…for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor
forsake you.’ (Deuteronomy 31: 6)
It is
reminiscent of a prayer in John Baillie’s A Diary of Private Prayer: ‘I
thank Thee for the blessed assurance that I shall not be called upon to face
[the interests of another day] alone or in my own strength, but shall be at all
times be accompanied by Thy presence and fortified by Thy grace.’
I am reminded of
the little boy who stood at the top of the stairs in his pyjamas, calling down
to his mother for to come up and keep him company. She replied that Jesus would
be with him. The child’s response was that he needed someone with skin on. It
could be that we are the people that need to be those people: representatives
of Christ with skin on to come alongside those who are lonely.
There is that
intrinsic desire within each of us to be connected to another. The sentiment is
captured by John Donne, in Devotions XVII, ‘No man is an island, entire
of itself; every man is piece of the Continent, part of the main.’
We are to
gently carry one another’s burdens and so fulfil the law of Christ (Galatians
6: 2). Sigmund Freud, in his chapter on anxiety in his Introductory Lectures
on Psychoanalysis, tells a story about a young boy who was afraid of the
dark, except for when his aunt talked with him. The boy said, ‘When someone
speaks, it gets lighter.’
We are to show
people love that they will find surprising and warmly embracing. Edwin Markham
in his epigram ‘Outwitted’ described it like this:
He draw a
circle that shut me out –
Heretic,
rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and
I had the wit to win:
We draw a
circle that took him in.
However, people
often need the physical touch and company that only other people can give. God
has given us gifts according to the grace that is given to us so that we can
reach out to others who are hurting and are lonely. In Romans 12: 8, there are
two gifts in particular: encouragement and mercy.
The word
‘encouraging’ means literally to ‘walk alongside’ (the description of the Holy
Spirit in John 14: 16 is derived from the same word) so we can demonstrate how
God acts towards us by sharing that same attitude toward others – a necessary
approach for those who are feeling alone and need to know that someone is there
alongside them.
There is the
benefit of hugging another person appropriately as it released a surge of
oxytocin (also known as the ‘love hormone’) which has benefits for numerous
mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression. Oxytocin activates
the emotional part of the brain that promotes feelings of contentment, trust,
intimacy and bonding.
The word
‘mercy’ is literally more than sympathy for it drives the Christian to action.
When a person feels alone, they need more than sympathy – they need someone to
talk with them and is prepared to help them in practical matters as they
struggle with life.
Monica Brands
expressed the love of God being given to us: ‘This free, life-giving love,
rooted in God’s love for each of us, is how Scripture portrays the community of
faith made possible by Christ and His Spirit (1 John 3: 1 – 18). As the apostle
John emphasises love – “real love” – is the heart of the gospel (1 John 4: 10).
When, through the Spirit, we’re living in God’s love, and God’s love is living
in us (vv. 13, 16), our love for each other can stop being driven by fear (v.
18). As we find healing in Him, we can love, really love, each other
“because he loved us first” (v. 19)’[62]
On the same
point, Oswald Chambers urged us: ‘The knowledge that God loved me beyond all
limits will compel me to go into all the world to love others in the same way.’
Scott Saul has re-emphasised
the point: ‘We must become convinced that Love has to be a person before it can
become a verb.’[63]
The outcome is that ‘The more we walk the narrow path, the wider our communal
embrace will be. The more convinced we are of the exclusive claims of Jesus –
that he is the way, the truth, and the life and no one comes to the Father
except through him – the more inclusively kind and compassionate we will be.’[64]
Prior to
telling the parable of the Good Samaritan (love in action), Jesus exhorts us to
‘Love your neighbour as yourself,’ which includes those people in your
neighbourhood who are lonely.
Some
recommended sources:
Sara McKee et
al, ‘The Forgotten Age – Understanding poverty and social exclusion in later
life’ (Centre for Social Justice, November 2010
Mental Health
Foundation, ‘The Lonely Society?’
Equality and
Human Rights Commission, Age Concern, Help the Aged, ‘Just Ageing? Life course
influences and well-being in later life: a review’
The Hanover @50
Debate, ‘Strengthening relationships to prevent isolation and loneliness in old
age’ (Centre for Social Justice, 2013)
British Red
Cross, ‘Barriers to belonging: An exploration of loneliness among people from
Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic backgrounds’
Appendix –
Songs about Loneliness
All By
Myself – by Eric Carmen
When I was young
I never needed
anyone
And making love
was just for fun
Those days are
gone
Living alone
I think of all
the friends I’ve known
But when I dial
the telephone
Nobody’s home
All by
myself
Don’t want
to be by myself anymore
All by
myself
Don’t want
to live all by myself anymore
Hard to be sure
Sometimes I
feel so insecure
And love so
insecure
Remains the
cure
All by
myself
Don’t want
to be by myself anymore
All by
myself
Don’t want
to live all by myself anymore
When I was
young
I needed anyone
And making love
was just for fun
Those days are
gone
All by
myself
Don’t want
to be by myself anymore
All by
myself
Don’t want
to live all by myself anymore
All by
myself
Don’t want
to be by myself anymore
All by
myself
Don’t want
to live all by myself anymore
All by
myself
Don’t want
to be by myself anymore
Help! – by
John Lennon and Paul McCartney
(Help!) I need
somebody
(Help!) Not
just anybody
(Help!) You
know I need someone
(Help!)
When I was
younger so much younger than today
I never needed
anybody’s help in any way
But now those
days are gone, I’m not so self-assured
Now I find I’ve
changed my mind and opened up the doors
Help me if you
can, I’m feeling down
And I do
appreciate you being ‘road
Help me get my
feet back on the ground
Won’t you
please, please help me?
And now my life
has changed on oh so many ways
My independence
seems to vanish in the haze
But every now
and then I feel so insecure
I know that I
just need you like I’ve never done before
Help me if you
can, I’m feeling down
And I do
appreciate you being ‘road
Help me get my
feet back on the ground
Won’t you
please, please help me?
When I was
younger so much younger than today
I never needed
anybody’s help in any way
But now those
days are gone, I’m not so self-assured
Now I find I’ve
changed my mind and opened up the doors
Help me if you
can, I’m feeling down
And I do
appreciate you being ‘road
Help me get my
feet back on the ground
Won’t you
please, please help me?
Dance Away –
by Bryan Ferry
Yesterday, well
it seemed so cool
When I walked
you home, kissed good night
I said “it’s
love” and you said “all right”
It’s funny now
how I could never cry
Until tonight
and you pass by
Hand in hand
with another guy
You’re dressed
to kill and guess who’s dying?
Dance away the
heartache
Dance away the
tears
Dance away
Loneliness is a
crowded room
Full of open
hearts turned to stone
All together
all alone
All at once my
whole world had changed
Now I’m in the
dark, off the wall
Let the strobe
light up them all
I close my eyes
and dance till dawn
Now I know I
must walk the line
Until I find an
open door
There was I,
many times a fool
I hope and
pray, but not too much
Out of reach is
out of touch
All the way is
far enough
Dance away
Lonely Boy –
by Andrew Gold
He was born on
a summer day, 1951
And with a slap
of the hand, he had landed as an only son
His mother and
father said, “What a lovely boy.
We’ll teach him
what we learned, ah, yes, just what we learned
We’ll dress him
up warmly, and we’ll send him to school
It’ll teach him
how to fight, to be nobody’s fool”
Oh, oh, what
a lonely boy
Oh, what a
lonely boy
Oh, what a
lonely boy
In the summer
of ’53, his mother brought him a sister
And she told
him, “We must attend to her needs
She’s so much
younger than you”
Well, he ran
down the hall and cried
Oh, how could
his parents have lied?
When they said
he was their only son
He thought he
was their only one
Oh, oh, what
a lonely boy
Oh, what a
lonely boy
Oh, what a lonely
boy
Goodbye Mama
Goodbye you
Goodbye Papa
I’m pushing on
through
He left home on
a winter day, 1969
And he hoped to
find all the love he had lost in that earlier time
Well, his
sister grew up, and she married a man
He gave her a
son, ah, yes, a lovely son
They dressed
him up warmly, they sent him to school
It taught him
how to fight, to be nobody’s fool
Oh, oh, what
a lonely boy
Oh, what a
lonely boy
Oh, what a
lonely boy
Whoa-whoa-whoa,
oh, what a lonely boy
Oh, what a
lonely boy
Oh, what a
lonely boy
I am a Rock
– by Paul Simon
A winter’s day
In a deep and
dark
December
I am alone
Gazing from my
window to the streets below
On a freshly
fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock
I am an island
I’ve built
walls
A fortress deep
and mighty
That none may
penetrate
I have no need
of friendship, friendship causes pain
It’s laughter
and it’s loving I distain
I am a rock
I am an island
Don’t’ talk of
love
But I’ve heard
the words before
It’s sleeping
in my memory
I won’t disturb
the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never
loved I never would have cried
I am a rock
I am an island
I have my
books’
And my poetry
to protect me
I am shielded
in my armour
Hiding in my
room, safe within my womb
I touch no one
and no one touches me
I am a rock
I am an island
And a rock
feels no pain
And an island
never cries
Appendix –
Coping with Loneliness: Some tips that others have found helpful in combatting
loneliness
These comments
are taken from the Care for the Family website from people who experience
loneliness through bereavement (https://careforthefamily.org.uk/family-life/bereavement-support/widowed-young-support/coping-with-loneliness).
Craig: ‘Purpose
to do something that you used to enjoy. For me that was fitness activities and
sometimes it meant getting a babysitter.’
Chantal: ‘Weekends
were the worst time so I took the kids swimming every Saturday morning and
asked friends to pop in. Later I took up several new hobbies/interests (tennis,
ceroc, choir, orchestra, A Level).’
P – J: ‘For me
it was having the right people to be able to talk to – friends and/or
professionals that were sensitive, understanding, good listeners and cautious
about “good advice” that they offered. I didn’t need good advice I needed
someone to be able to create the right kind of space for me to be able to grieve.
Sharing my grief with someone else was often helpful.’
Aurel: ‘Writing
my prayers and journaling.’
Helen: ‘I
decided to join the local running club which met every week. I was definitely a
beginner and was very unfit but it gave me a reason to go out and meet new
people. It worked because I didn’t have to talk to them (our group was so unfit
that we couldn’t run and talk at the same time.) Although it was really hard it
really helped my confidence and helped me feel less lonely. For that time I
wasn’t a young widow but an unfit runner who as time went on slowly became
fitter and made some new contacts. I also joined a WAY (Widowed and Young)
group locally which met weekly in a social club. It helped to have someone in a
similar situation to talk to.’
Elaine: ‘If I
was asked out to friends’ or families’ homes I always said and still say yes,
that would be lovely despite how I was feeling. Also listen to a radio
programme with lots of talking, like Radio 4, as this distracts from constantly
thinking about what has happened to you.’
Jackie: ‘I
found it helpful to make sure I had something simple to look forward to:
arranging for a really good friend to visit for a takeaway or if I was really
organised to get a babysitter and go out.’
Ruth: ‘Make
sure that you have a list of people that you can call. Ask people who have
offered to help if they would make a regular commitment into your life like a
regular meal together or evening activity such as a walk or babysitting for you
so that you can go out.’
Kate: ‘Take it
one little step at a time, do not try to go too fast. There is no normal.
Everyone’s grief goes at a different rate, so ignore all those who say you
should be over it by now.’
Sarah: ‘Accept
every invitation. Make use of your friends, i.e. if they’ve said ‘any time you
need me…’ take them up on it!’
Appendix –
Loneliness
These
suggestions come from Care for Family (https://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/family-lfe/parent-support/parenting-additional-challenges/single-parenting/loneliness):
·
Visit
a friend or go out for a coffee with them
·
Invite
friends around for a meal
·
Skype
or Facetime friends when you cannot go out at night
·
Join
others on Facebook groups
·
Buy
a pet. Pets are great companions who greet you at the door when you arrive home
and will be there for a snuggle on the couch whilst watching TV.
·
Visit
others in need, such as the elderly, sick or disabled.
·
Make
a conscious effort to encourage others.
·
Take
up a hobby. Adult colouring books are the rage at the moment and crocheting has
made a real come back.
·
Watch
a new TV series.
Things that may
help when there is no-one around:
·
Celebrate
your achievements, no matter how small or trivial they may seem. Make a list of
‘one good thing I did today’ each day for a month, then look back to encourage
yourself.
·
Keep
a ‘joy’ box of memories, photos, letters, cards, etc. to remind you of happy
times and events.
·
Cultivate
a positive mental attitude: to be optimistic, appreciate and love yourself.
·
Have
an encouraging book or music close to hand for those lonely nights.
·
Set
yourself realistic goals.
·
Acknowledge
and admit your feelings.
·
Do
something for yourself, such as a bubble bath with candles and wine or read a
good book.
·
Live
one day at a time.
[1]
British Red Cross, ‘Our work with Co-op to tackle loneliness and isolation,’
2018, https://www.redcross.org.uk/get-involved/partner-with-us/our-partners/co-op
[2]
Sacha Hilhorst, Alan Lockey and Tom Speight, A Society of Readers
(Demos, London) p.7
[3]
British Red Cross, Barriers to belonging: An exploration of loneliness among
people from Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic backgrounds, p. 31
[4]
Nicholas Kristof, ‘Let’s wage war on loneliness,’ New York Times, 9
November 2019
[5]
Cited in Mark Easton, ‘How should we tackle the loneliness epidemic?’ BBC
News, 11 February 2018, http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-42887932
[6] De
Jong-Gierveld, ‘developing and Testing a Model of Loneliness,’ Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology, July 1987, 53 (1)
[7]Peter
Berger, The Desecularisation of the World: Resurgent Religion and World
Politics (Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, 1999)
[8]
Paul Williams, News from Bible Society, Transmission, Spring 2018
[9]
Carers UK, ‘8 in 10 people caring for loved ones ‘have felt lonely or socially
isolated’,’ 2017, https://www.carersuk.org/news-and-campaigns/news/8-in-10-people-caring-for-loved-ones-have-felt-lonely-or-socially-isolated
[10]
Action for
Children, “Charity reveals ‘devastating impact’ of loneliness on UK parents,
children”,
https://www.actionforchildren.org.uk/news-and-blogs/press-releases/2017/november/charityreveals-
devastating-impact-of-loneliness-on-uk-parents-children/
(2017); The Forum, “This is
how it feels to be lonely”,
https://migrantsorganise.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Lonelinessreport_
The-Forum_UPDATED.pdf (2014); Sense, “A
right to friendship?: Challenging the barriers
to friendship for people with
disabilities”, https://www.sense.org.uk/umbraco/surface/download/
download?filepath=/media/1591/campaign-loneliness-a-right-to-friendship.pdf
(2015).
[11]
Cited in Laura Lea, ‘’Down and anxious’ – when loneliness hits,’ BBC News,
31 January 2017, http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-38760612
[12]
Cited in Philip Yancy and Paul Brand, Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
(Marshall Pickering, London, 1987), p. 59
[13]
Quoted in James K A Smith, How (not) to be secular: Reading Charles Taylor
(Wm B Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2014), p. 31
[14]
George Monbiot, ‘Neoliberalism is creating loneliness. That’s what’s wrenching
society apart,’ The Guardian, 12 October 2016, https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/oct/12/neoliberalism-creating-loneliness-wrenching-society-apart
[15]
Cited in Sarah Young, ‘Lonely millennials twice as likely to experience depression
or anxiety, finds study,’ The Independent, 25 April 2018
[16]
Cited in ‘Study finds most euthanasia deaths arise from loneliness,’ 22
February 2016, http://www.ionainstitute.ie/index.php?id=4297
[17]
Ad Vingerhoets, Why only humans weep (Oxford University Press, Oxford,
2013)
[18]
Rita Rubin, ‘Loneliness might be a killer, but what’s the best way to protect
against it?’ Journal of the American Medical Association, 2017, 318
(19): 1853 - 1855
[19] George
Monbiot, ‘The Age of Loneliness is killing us,’ The Guardian, 14 October
2014, https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/oct/14/age-of-loneliness-killing-us
[20] J
Holt-Lunstad, TB Smith, J B Layton, ‘Social Relationships and mortality risk: a
meta-analytical review,’ PLoS Med 2010; Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Timothy B
Smith, Mark Baker, Tyler Harris and David Stephenson, ‘Loneliness and Social
Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality,’ Perspectives on Psychological
Science, 11 March 2011
[21]
RS Wilson, KR Krueger, SE Arnold, JA Schneider, JF Kelly, LL Barnes et al,
‘Loneliness and risk of Alzheimer disease,’ Arch Gen Psychiatry, 2007
[22]
Campaign to End Loneliness, Threat to Health, 2018, https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/threat-to-health
[23]
Andrew Sommerlad, Severine Sabia, Archana Singh-Manoux, Glyn Lewis and Gill
Livingston, ‘Association of social contact with dementia and cognition: 28-year
follow-up of the Whitehall cohort study,’ PLOS Medicine, 2 August 2019
[24]
Cited in Alexandra Thompson, ‘Being lonely raises the risk of dementia: Social
isolation ‘may trigger inflammation in the brain’,’ Daily Mail, 31 October
2018. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-6333541/Being-lonely-raises-risk-dementia-Social-isolation-trigger-inflammation-brain.html
[25]
Eti Ben Simon and Matthew Walker, ‘Sleep loss causes social withdrawal and
loneliness,’ Nature Communications, 14 August 2018, issue 9: 3146
[26]
Christopher Bullock, ‘I’m so lonesome I could cry,’ Harvard Health Publishing,
21 March 2018, https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/im-so-lonesome-i-could-cry-2018032113512
[27]
Carla M Perissinotto, Irena Stijacic Cenzer and Kenneth F Covinsky, ‘Loneliness
in Older Persons: A predictor of Functional Decline,’ Arch Intern Med,
2012, 172 (14): 1078 - 1084
[28]
Cited in Olivia Petter, ‘Eating alone puts men at greater risk of obesity,’ The
Independent, 3 November 2017
[29]
Cited in Olivia Petter, ‘Lonely people are twice as likely to die from heart
problems,’ The Independent, 11 June 2018
[30]
Cited in Natasha Hinde, ‘Loneliness could increase risk of stroke by almost one
third, study suggests,’ Huffington Post, 20 April 2016. https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/loneliness-could-increase-risk-of-stroke-by-almost-one-third_uk_5716431ae4b0f22f021a4271
[31]
Christopher Bullock, ‘I’m so lonesome I could cry,’ Harvard Health
Publishing, 21 March 2018, https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/im-so-lonesome-i-could-cry-2018032113512
[32]
Campaign to End Loneliness, ‘Lonely visits to the GP,’ 2018, https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/blog/lonely-visits-to-the-gp
[33][33]
The Co-operative, ‘What loneliness costs UK employers,’ 2017, https://ww.co-operative.coop/campaigning/cost-of-loneliness
[34]
See also John Bingham, ‘Loneliness ‘time bomb’ warning fuelled by baby-boomer
divorces,’ Daily Telegraph, 11 April 2013 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/divorce/9987391/Loneliness-time-bomb-warning-fuelled-by-baby-boomer-divorces.html
[35]
Cited in Philip Yancey and Dr Paul Brand, The Gift of Pain – Why we hurt and
what we can do about it (Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1997) p. 276
note
[36]
Alan Lightman, In Praise of Wasting Time (TED Books, London, 2018) pp 12
- 13
[37]
Oscar Quine, ‘Loneliness is felt most intensely by young people, study finds
(and turning to Facebook doesn’t help), Daily Telegraph, 1 October 2018,
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/10/01/loneliness-felt-intensely-young-people-study-finds-turning-facebook/
[38]
Claudia Hammond, ‘The surprising truth about loneliness,’ BBC Future, 1
October 2018, https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20180928-the-surprising-truth-about-loneliness
[39]
Cited in Sean Coughlan, ‘Girls ‘more likely to face loneliness’,’ BBC News,
5 December 2018, https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-46459954
[40]
Labour Force Survey, Office for National Statistics, 2011
[41]
General Lifestyle Survey 2011, Office for National Statistics, 2013
[42]
Agenda for Later Life Survey for Age UK, 2013
[43]
ICM Research survey for Age UK, December 2009
[44]
These statistics were from Borough Insight, Epsom and Ewell Borough,
issue 59
[45]
Under its Campaign to End Loneliness, Age UK has published a good leaflet that
churches will find useful - http://www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN-GB/For-professionals/Policy/Promising_approaches-loneliness_and_isolation.pdf?epslanguage=en-GB?dtrk=true.
There are also good ideas at http://www.contact-the-elderly.org.uk/SM4/Mutable/Uploads/medialibrary/Volunteer-leaflet_VL0714-NB.pdf.
The organisation Friends of the Elderly is also worth looking at – www.pilgrimsfriend.org.uk
[48]
Quoted in Jenny Cook, ‘This is why we should help elderly people get out of
their house this winter,’ Netdoctor (UK), 27 November 2017, https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/news/a29221/elderly-people-leaving-house-health/
[49]
Cited in ‘Stiff upper lip condemns 190,000 men to loneliness,’ Daily
Telegraph, 26 July 2012, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/elderhealth/9426619/Stiff-upper-lip-condems-190000-older-men-to-loneliness.html
[50]
‘Loneliness damaging the lives of 400,000 people living with cancer, new
research shows,’ 21 February 2014, http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Aboutus/News/Latest_News/Lonelinessdamagingthelivesof400,000peoplelivingwithcancer,newresearchshows.aspx
[51]
Deborah Cohen, ‘Why does lonely make you ill?’ BBC World Services, 3
February 2013, http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-21517864
[52]
There is more detail in Sarah Ferguson, ‘Seven Ways to End Loneliness,’ The
Guardian, 15 December 2014, https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/dec/15/seven-ways-to-end-loneliness
[53] P
Dewan, ‘Economic well-being and social justice through pleasure reading,’ New
Library World, 2016, 117 (9/10): 557 - 567
[54] C
Creaser, R E Spacey and D Hicks, Assessing the impact of reading for blind
and partially sighted adults (RNIB, The Reading Agency, Loughborough
University, 2012)
[55] Reading
Friends: Test phase evaluation report, Renaisi (2018)
[56]
Sacha Hilhorst, Alan Lockey and Tom Speight, A Society of Readers
(Demos, London) p.7
[59]
‘Combatting Loneliness,’ Evangelicals Now, June 2017. For more details about
Neighbourhood Chaplains, contact Jenny Rossiter, the Counties Resources
Officer, at resources@countiesuk.org
or call the Counties office on 01373 823013, or visit the website www.neighbourhoodchaplains.co.uk
[60]
‘How one church is using handy work to tackle men’s isolation,’ Christian
Today, 21 February 2019, https://www.christiantoday.com/amp/how-one-church-is-using-handy-work-to-tackle-mens-isolation.htm
[61]
Cited in Eric Metaxas and Stan Guthrie, ‘The Pandemic of Loneliness: The Church
has the Answer,’ BreakPoint, 24 May 2018
[62]
Monica Brands, ‘Real Love,’ Focus Article, Our Daily Journey, June 2019
[63]
Scott Saul, Befriend: Create Belonging in an Age of Judgement, Isolation and
Fear (Tyndale House, 2016) p. 23
[64]
Scott Saul, Befriend: Create Belonging in an Age of Judgement, Isolation and
Fear (Tyndale House, 2016) p. 22
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