I have imagined the reactions and thought processes of those people involved in the Good Friday and Easter narrative.
I hope that it will assist you to meditate on these events with fresh thoughts.
I
always felt like an outsider. All the things that I was, the others in the
inner group of twelve were not.
They
were northerners with strange ways of talking and funny habits. I had
refinement in the way that I talked and in the way that I acted. I am sure that
when Jesus talked in parables, similes and metaphors that I was the only one in
the group that understood His meaning.
I
happened to travel to Galilee - I can’t remember why – when I came across this
promising self-appointed Rabbi. There was something about Him that just drew me
in. There was such honesty and clarity in His teaching, which entered one’s
soul even when it could be uncomfortable.
It
felt like the start of something new and exciting, so I decided to join His
followers, which was costly as I had family business to deal with first. I
don’t know what I was expecting, perhaps it was an uprising against the Romans
who had been taxing our family to the ground or a fresh religious fervour.
Anyway, I wanted to be there at the start so that I could say to people in the
future that I was there. I was surprised that Jesus wanted to include me in His
inner group. I saw incredible events, especially when Jesus sent out in pairs,
as people were healed and were dispossessed of demons.
As
time went on, I became disillusioned as neither the revolt against the Romans
or the religious revival seemed as though they would take place. I decided
that, as the months moved on, I would start taking care of myself and, in my
role as the treasurer, I would start surreptitiously remove some of the money
from the account so I would get something out of the situation – a fact that
seemed to only be grasped by Jesus.
In
my disillusionment, I approached the religious authorities to see how much I
could be paid to betray Jesus. When they offered thirty pieces of silver, I
took it without hesitation.
Later
that evening, when we were all having supper, Jesus knew evidently what I had
done for He stated that one of us had betrayed Him. I retracted from the room as
quickly as possible to extricate myself from the extremely embarrassing
atmosphere.
When
He and the other disciples were in the Garden of Gethsemane, I went with the
Jewish guard and indicated to them that Jesus was their target by placing a
kiss – that sign of friendship so cruelly abused - on Jesus’ cheek.
I
was beside myself with remorse – it was though someone else had done the deed. There
is no way out and I know what I must do, condemned by God and man. I am the
only disciple not to make it to the end.
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