The number one concern in whatever happens in our society, especially in traumatic situations like divorce, should be the welfare of our children. However, it is often the very ones that we should be protecting are the ones we hurt the most.
It has been determined that the UK has the highest rate of family breakdown in Western Europe (‘Now we’re the single parent capital of Western Europe: One in four British children now live with lone mother or father,’ www.dailymail.co.uk, 10 October 2014; ‘’UK lone parent capital of Western Europe,’ www.marriagefoundation.org.uk, 10 October 2014). According to the statistics produced in 2012 by Eurostat, almost one in four children in the UK are living in single parent households.
Harry Benson, the Research Director for the Marriage Foundation, acknowledged that many single parent families are doing a great job on reduced resources, with few having chosen their lifestyle. He further commented that ‘Evidence clearly shows the negative impact of being brought up in single parent homes. These children are less likely to attain qualifications, more prone to experience unemployment and more likely to commit crime.’
Another statistic that stands out is that, in an analysis of the 2011 UK census, there were 386,000 children splitting their time between parents in different homes (‘The 400,000 children living in two households,’ www.telegraph.co.uk, 25 July 2014; ‘Dependent children usually resident in England and Wales with a parental second address, 2011, www.ons.gov.uk, 25 July 2014). It was the children aged between 10 and 14 years who were mostly affected, with the toddlers being least affected. The Office for National Statistics found that 3.2 per cent of the 12.1 million had a second address belonging to another parent or guardian in 2011, most of whom were in the same local authority area although 4 per cent had a second address outside the UK.
Additionally, there has been the rise of couples living together before marriage or not getting married at all.
This category has risen by more than 290,000 over the last ten years, an increase of 34 per cent. The result has been that there is now the same proportion of cohabiting couples with children as there are married couples with children (which had decreased by 34 per cent). There are now only 4 million (or 15.2 per cent) of families that consist of husband, wife and children.
According to the British Millennium Cohort Study, 10 per cent of married couples would have separated by the time their child was five years-old compared to 25 per cent of cohabiting couples. The statistics also show that 35 per cent of children born to a cohabiting couple will live with both parents throughout their childhood compared to 70 per cent of married couples.
Interestingly, it has been proved that couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce than those couples who did not cohabit first.
The NSPCC in Scotland received over 600 calls about worries from children regarding their parents’ divorce or separation to their ChildLine service in 2012-13, which was a dramatic rise of 171 per cent.
Susan Dobson, the ChildLine Service Manager, stated that there were many family issues raised by children:
‘Some of these children need somewhere to vent, but for many they’re facing a really difficult time at home and are desperate for reassurance and a safe space to share their fears.’
The calls were as varied as having to share their emotions between both parents and feeling ‘stuck in the middle.’
According to a study led by Dr Jonathan Beckmeyer of Indiana University (and published in the academic journal ‘Family Relations’), there is the same negative impact of divorce on children regardless of whether the parents remain amicable (‘Amicable divorce ‘is just as damaging for children’: Impact of a split on youngsters is same if couple remain friends or not,’ www.dailymail.co.uk, 3 September 2014).
The researchers discovered that children of divorced parents were more likely than others to have poor behavioural problems, mental health difficulties, and were at greater risk of performing poorly at school.
However, the problems for the child were constant regardless whether the divorce was amicable or not.
The paper’s abstract stated: ‘Despite the expectation that children fare better if their divorced parents develop a cooperative coparenting relationship, the authors found that parents’ reports of their children’s internalising and externalising behaviours and their social skills did not significantly differ by type of post-divorce coparental relationships.’
It said that results suggest that the ‘direct influence of post-divorce coparenting’ on children may not be as ‘robust’ as predicted.
The study echoes results found in a study by Pennsylvania State University in 2012.
Paul Amato, a professor of family sociology, commented that ‘people’s willingness to accept the good divorce hypothesis is reason for concern if some parents are lulled into believing that their children are adequately protected from all the potential risks of union disruption.’
The inevitable result of divorce is, in many cases, the absence or the reduced presence of the father. In research carried out by the Research Institute of the McGill University Health Centre (and published in ‘Cerebral Cortex’ magazine in December 2013), children who grow up without a father may have altered brain structures. There is a risk that they could be more aggressive and angry as the main impacts are on the prefrontal cortex which controls social and cognitive activities.
Dr Gabriella Gobbi, the lead author of the study, remarked: ‘These children have been shown to have an increased risk for deviant behaviour and in particular, girls have been shown to be at risk for substance abuse.’
The report stated that studies of children raised without a father could result in ‘an increased risk for deviant behaviour and criminal activity, substance abuse, impoverished educational performance and mental illness.’
It added: ‘Our results emphasise the importance of the father during the critical neurodevelopmental periods, and that father absence induces impairments in social behaviour that persists to adulthood.’
In a study by Resolution (an association of family lawyers in England and Wales), it was found that almost two-thirds of 14 to 16 year-olds whose parents had divorced stated that their education was effected negatively (‘Revealed: shocking cost of divorce for children,’ www.thetimes.co.uk, 24 November 2014; ‘Spiral of failure for children of divorce: Teenagers more likely to fail at exams and take drugs,’ www.dailymail.co.uk, 24 November 2014). One in seven respondents stated that the stress involved with their parents’ split caused them to turn to alcohol or drugs. The research also discovered that a fifth of children did not see one or more of their grandparents again.
In his response to the findings, Sir Paul Coleridge, the founder of The Marriage Foundation and a former High Court judge, commented: ‘Children never perform at their highest potential when their emotional life is chaotic, and family breakdown is the arch contributor to that.
‘How many more studies and statistics do we need before we all, including government, wake-up and take this issue seriously? It is so unfair on the children and their life chances.’
The Rt. Rev Mark Davies, the Roman Catholic Bishop of Shrewsbury, has raised the question: ‘Should we not be putting our efforts into guarding and building-up the institution of marriage rather than steadily undermining it?’
The answer is found in a study undertaken by the University of Oxford and the University of London funded by the Department of Education (‘Children raised by married parents ‘are better behaved’,’ www.telegraph.co.uk, 9 September 2014). The conclusion was that children raised by married parents had lower levels of anti-social attitudes and hyperactivity, in addition to being more confident, kind and responsible.
The report stated: ‘The marital status of parents in early years, when children were first recruited to the study, was also a significant predictor of changes in self-regulation [which includes showing leadership, confidence and taking responsibility] and pro-social behaviour during secondary education.
‘Single parent status also predicted increases in hyperactivity in adolescence and anti-social behaviour. Students in lone parent families showed small but statistically significant increase in both negative behaviours and decreases in both positive behaviours.
‘In addition, students of parents who were living with their family but unmarried in the early years were shown to show small decreases in self-regulation and pro-social behaviour and an increase in hyperactivity.’
Professor Edward Melhuish, who carried out the research, commented that the ‘extra support from living in a stable marital home tends to lead to a better environment over the long term for the child.’
The Centre for Longitudinal Studies and the Institute of Education also sought to reproduce a study conducted in 1969 (‘Study finds generational surge in marital breakdown,’ Iona Institute, 4 December 2014). According to the findings, although 61 per cent of children in total were still living with both parents at the age of 11 years (83 per cent of the 61 per cent were with married parents), another 33 per cent had experienced upheaval in their family, such as a marital breakup (14 per cent had been in two or more changes). Over 26 per cent of children were living in lone-parent situations, whilst 12 per cent were living in ‘blended’ family settings of parent and step-parent.
When compared to the 1969 results, the findings were that family life for millennial children was undoubtedly less stable. In the earlier study, 90 per cent of children were living with married parents, 6 per cent with lone parents and 3 per cent in a ‘blended’ situation.
In the later study, the children reported a high degree of happiness, there were also negative effects resulting from the family instability. An example was that 25 per cent of those living in lone parent and step-parent situations and 35 per cent of children living apart from both parents had behavioural problems, compared to 10 per cent of those children in homes with both natural parents. Conversely, 14 per cent of children living with both parents experienced poverty, compared to 32 per cent for ‘blended’ families and 53 per cent for lone parent situations.
Jesus reminded us that ‘Moses permitted you to divorce…because your hearts were hard.’ (Matthew 19: 8) Indeed, we are told that God hates divorce (Malachi 2: 16).
One of the reasons is because it has such a negative impact on children and the consequences of harming a child because of the effects of divorce and separation are condemnation from the holy God (Luke 17: 2).
We should be aware of the impact of marital breakdown and seek to support the children of the marriage in the most appropriate manner. Christians should be sensitive to their emotions and, as churches, do all that we can in the sad situation.
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